Is loyalty defined differently today than it was during my career? Is it the same loyalty that guaranteed lifetime employment that my generation believed was our inalienable right? No, it’s different! There is strong evidence that mutual disloyalty is not exclusive to the work place. The lack of loyalty has extended far beyond business impacting family, church, school, government, community and every aspect of our society.

Timothy Keiningham and Leran Akosky are professional associates of mine whom I collaborated with on research for my book, “10 Truths about Leadership, It’s Not About Winning”. In their recently published book, “Why Loyalty Matters”, they suggest that, without us knowing it, the world has shifted from a society of long-term relationships to a society of transactional relationships and ephemeral contacts. This is a natural byproduct of an increasing dynamic economic environment in which we live. They suggest we have become more flexible and more mobile, which has made business more efficient. And while this has made us wealthier, it has also made us less loyal!

As leaders we must realize that loyalty no longer emerges from blind obedience. The reality is people don’t stay in one job, nor should they. Marriages do fail, and abusive ones should end. Companies do fail, sometimes because of bad management and in others the marketplace isn’t buying what they are selling. Loyalty just doesn’t happen. Being loyal is a deliberate act. Making loyalty a driving force in your organization is never easy. We’ve got to give employees a sense of purpose, a set of principles, vision, and an environment where we can help them get what they want. We all want to part of something special, something bigger than ourselves. To that end every significant relationship should be treated as if it will last a lifetime, and be important to mutual success.

I can quote form countless books, periodicals and case studies, but in the end, I believe most of us want to be loyal to something other than ourselves. But to unlock the power of loyalty we need clarity regarding “how loyal” we really are, and “to what” we are loyal to? It only happens when we amplify the quality of our lives through that joy that can only come from having friends, family, co-workers, and others who are willing to bond with us. It is the collection of those positive loyal connections that make strong organizations and strong relationships.

“To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.”

As I shared with the 300 leaders that were in attendance, I typically end any workshop or keynote that I deliver with that poem, but I wanted to start with it because I believe it spoke to them about who they are and what they do. And while I have presented to well over 250 organizations since I retired 13 years ago, there are so few people who have the opportunity in their professional lives to connect the dots between what they do every day and the impact it has on people’s lives.  And as I said to those 300 leaders who were in attendance, that is their gift and that is their blessing!

I was convinced at The Berry Company that we did not sell advertisers bigger ads or expanded yellow page advertising programs; we sold them dreams. When their advertising was most effective, it generated increased inquires leading to increased sales and greater financial rewards. This could be, and was, life changing! When we strayed from that philosophy, we were simply just selling ads.

As the Christmas season is upon us, it is a wonderful time to reflect on our blessings. It is also the time of year to be reminded of those who are less fortunate. When I chaired the United Way campaign in 2003, it truly was for me a life changing experience – an epiphany! Being a sales guy, it was very important for me to understand the product we were selling. In other words, why would or should people choose to support United Way? To that end, I visited all 65 agencies that we were supporting and for the first time in my life I truly witnessed hopelessness. Whether it was Daybreak, Artemis, Mercy Manor or the other 63 agencies I met and heard stories of, there were people who were either born into a circumstance or got into a situation and could not get out without a helping hand. Every United Way speech or appeal that I delivered would always end with the same message, “To the whole world you may be one person but to one person you may be the whole world.”

To quote Edward Evert Hale, “I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything but I can do something. I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do.”

Our greatest gift is the power to choose. Whether it a smile, a friendly word, a sympathetic ear, or a helping hand during this holiday season, let us all be reminded that the most important thing in the world is to be important to someone.

Pete Luongo is retired president and CEO of The Berry Co., Leader, Lecturer, Public Speaker and Author of “10 Truths About Leadership … It’s Not Just About Winning”. Reach him at pete@petespeaks.com.

Everyone has a favorite Arnold Palmer story. Mine took place at the Senior PGA event played at NCR Country Club several years ago. My friend Gene Hallman from Birmingham, Alabama reached out to me before the tournament, and he enlisted me to both introduce Arnold Palmer to the community as well as assist him during the event. He had asked me to help with player relations since I knew a number of the senior players from both the Bruno’s event in Birmingham, which the Berry Company and BellSouth were cosponsors, and the Bell South Senior event in Nashville.

I was assigned to help the players with registration and get them to the locker room upon their arrival. While many of the professionals were not easily recognizable, there was great anticipation for the arrival of both Jack Nicklaus and Arnold Palmer. When Jack arrived along with his wife Barbara they were very pleasant (at least Barbara) and congenial to volunteers in the room. Once they signed in I escorted Jack to the locker room. He acknowledged a few of the PGA professionals when we arrived at the locker room and I returned to registration. About an hour later, Arnold arrived and I can best describe it as “he lit the room up.” He took the time to introduce himself to every volunteer in the room (20 or so) and thanked them for volunteering to make the tournament a positive experience for both he and his fellow PGA professionals (there is no doubt that if we had had selfies back then Arnold would have been there another 20 minutes taking pictures)! When he finished registering, I escorted him to the locker room. When we entered, where a number of professionals were having lunch, every one stood up and introduced themselves to Arnold. When we turned the corner to enter the locker room, a receiving line had formed of not only other PGA golfers but agents, tour officials and everyone present. I stood and watched as he shook hands and took time with every person, some he knew and others he did not!

The morale of the story is that while Nicklaus and Palmer will always be spoken in the same breath as two of golf’s greatest, that experience reminded me that while Nicklaus will be remembered for his history of accomplishments, Palmer will be for the impact he made in people’s lives. Webster’s definition of legacy, “as a lasting contribution from a person, conceived as a testament to their honor”, was best described by his close friend Nicklaus when he said, “Arnold’s legacy is that people followed him, people adored him. He was the most popular person to ever play the game.”

As I have written so often in the past, there are leaders that lead because that is what they do and there are leaders that lead because that is who they are. There are three distinctions that separate the two. First, they possess the courage and character to lead others because its core to their existence. Secondly, leadership is not just something they do from eight to five, and it is not a title or a designation. It permeates every aspect of their lives; as parents, teachers, coaches, volunteers, friend, siblings, spouses, and friends. Finally, and most importantly, they value their lives as leaders by making a difference in other people’s lives!

How will you be remembered? For your history of accomplishments or your legacy of making a difference in other people’s lives?