There’s an often quoted metaphor, “Your people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care,” which will never wear out its welcome. In the month of December I saw it in real time during two different opportunities I had to share The Leadership Pledge as a consultant and Keynote Speaker.  Main Line Supply and Montgomery County IT group;  two vastly different organizations in size, purpose, and circumstance; one experiencing a long sustainable history and the other searching for a better understanding of success.  What they do have in common is two leaders who understand the balance between winning and creating an environment where their employees feel valued, respected, and part of something special.

What I find intriguing about both Mike O’Brien, original partner in Main Line and John Rike, director of the IT group is how their competitiveness and intensity manifests into a passion that defines their uniqueness as thoughtful and caring leaders.

I had the privilege of delivering the keynote to Main Line Supply during a beautiful Christmas evening dinner meeting. It is an annual event that is focused on recognizing employees for a successful financial year while acknowledging both individual and team contributions. Whether warehouse or sales, new or tenured, Mike O’Brien expressed a deep sense of appreciation and LOVE for every person in that room. He wasn’t speaking to his audience as a group but he was speaking to each one of them individually. Every person in that room, like all of us, have deep within us the need to be loved and respected and Mike proved once again to me that we only become more human as leaders when we learn to love and serve others. Inspiration is the responsibility of all leaders and it’s the magic of all relationships.

The Montgomery County IT group is charged with supporting all business units for the County and is in the process of redefining its mission, implementing new strategic imperatives, realigning roles and responsibilities, all under the direction of Jon Rike, the new IT director. The departmental meeting to announce these organizational changes was the culmination of several months of review and analysis with input from his management team. Jon had engaged me to work with his leadership team in understanding their role in these new imperatives. He recognized as a prerequisite for this journey caring and LOVE had to be his primary message.  He was steadfast in his belief that his leadership team must develop meaningful relationships based on love and respect. As Jon navigates his organization through this transition I’m confident that he will be successful because at his core he believes his responsibility is the need to serve a higher purpose.

Jon’s kickoff meeting was for the lack of a better description his, “state of the union address”. And while it included remarks from the County Executive and a deep dive into the data and statistics which represented the past and the future, the central theme of his message was his commitment to his employees that all of the organizational changes shared were grounded in the human side of the enterprise. He encouraged each of them by giving them a sense of purpose and implored them to embrace a leadership role and the opportunity to shape the organization. Like Mike O’Brien, in a totally different set of circumstances, Jon Rike exemplified the belief that we become more human as leaders when we learn to love and serve others.

More about the class. It’s a University of Dayton graduate course that educators take to renew their certificates, to reach another pay step or for general education. The goal of the class is to help school teachers, counselors, and administrators gain knowledge and skill that would enhance their ability as educators to focus on character as part of the students education and better prepare them for their future.

A requirement for the completion of the course is to write a reflection paper on the presenter’s topics. Jim has always been kind enough to share those papers and each year I continue to be blown away by how the message I share with the audience effects them both personally and professionally. While the disciplines and truths are part of The Leadership Pledge I have shared with audiences over 300 times the last 15 years, it’s rare that I get to read 60 papers that talk about the impact that just a simple thought or a metaphor can be the spark of caring that touches the tinder inside these educators. As I share these simple but powerful truths and the heartfelt responses think about what they mean to you from a personal and professional perspective.

1.Truth – You can make these students more than they are but you can’t make them something they’re not!

Teacher Reflection -  This statement really hit home for me. My job would be so much easier if I could change my students but Pete made me realize after 18 years in the classroom this is impossible. My focus has got to be to provide them with love and the tools to help them to be the best person they can be and not who I think they should be. I need to help them identify their strengths and do everything in my power to help them realize their God-given potential.

Learning – How often have we tried to change our employees with little or no success? We can influence behavior but if a prospective hire does not bring the qualities and behaviors that are consistent with the requirements of the position, there’s very little chance. Our teachers do not have the privilege of choosing who shows up in the classroom. We do! Get out of the change business.

2.Truth – Change Just two simple words in your vocabulary; from ‘I have to’ to ’I get to’.

Teacher Reflection -  I absolutely love this! Beyond the classroom I look at this from a parental point of view and it really struck a cord with me.  I get to take my child to practice. How many parents, and I teach special needs, have children who will never set foot on a baseball field? That was the best thing my little ears could have heard.”

Learning - It’s a great reminder to be grateful for the things we get to do. If we value our  family’s, our careers, our employees, and our friendships as blessings “have to” will no longer be part of our vocabulary.

3. Truth - Rules are for the weak and uncompromised standards of excellence are for the strong.

Teacher Reflection - This truth really spoke to me! When Pete followed it up with “rules without relationships create anarchy” I realized that I’ve been guilty of setting rules and consequences for not following them for most of my teaching career. My thought process was to teach them to follow directions, be responsible, and consequences are part of life.  And I can’t even remember why some of these rules are in place. Probably from a student screwing up 10 years ago. Going forward I will make an effort to have far less rules but rather focus on expectations and standards of excellence.

Learning - To quote Marcus Buckingham and Curt Sanford from their book, ‘First Break All the Rules’, “Creating a culture of compliance, a company burdened by rules, slowly strangles its flexibility, responsiveness, and most importantly it’s good will!” So who or what is the culprit that causes professional and personal relationships to suffocate due to an overload of rules that ultimately sap our energy and enthusiasm? A lack of trust! Relationships can never reach their maximum potential when void of trust!

4. Truth - It can’t be an unconditional love without responsibility but rather a conditional love with consequences.

Teacher Reflection -  Pete’s comment about conditional love was so insightful! Because I care so much for my students I find myself making excuses far too often for them which by Pete’s definition is unconditional love with responsibility. It makes me realize that conditional love is more powerful when accountability and successful outcomes are part of the relationship with my students.

Learning - Organizations that do it best win (however you keep score, you’ve got to win) and they also create an environment where employees feel valued, respected, and part of something special. No relationship will reach its maximum potential without love (conditional) at its core.  Said another way, love for each other is about trust and mutual respect!

5. Truth - People can handle the truth if they know we care!

Teacher’s Reflection -  I was immediately convicted because this is an area where I have fallen short. While I’m proud to say as a coach I have never cut a player but likewise I have not moved on coaches who were not a good fit for our program. His statement that is not my job to change them but to help them move on to an environment where they can be successful brought so much clarity.  This was a profound moment for me and Pete’s message has helped me bring closure to what has been a very painful experience!

Learning - When confronted with performance issues we owe our employees the truth. And without it we place serious limitations on our ability as leaders to provide honest feedback thus denying them the opportunity to experience their God-given potential. But, and it’s a big one, they have to know we care!

5. Truth - The only time you get what you want is when you help others get what they want.

Teacher’s Reflection -  Pete’s definition, “the only time you get what you want is when you help others get what they want” is a wonderful take on leadership. It implies that leadership is only successful when we recognize the needs of others, and work with them to help achieve their dreams and aspirations. I hope that’s what is happening each day in my classroom. I guess that’s why I signed up to be an educator ions ago.

Learning - That simple statement embodies servant leadership. The biblical version of servant leadership says, “It’s not about the shepherd, it’s about the sheep!” In any leadership role success will ultimately be determined by making a difference in other’s people’s lives. Remember, it’s about creating an environment where employees feel valued, appreciated, and part of something special.

In closing a couple of thoughts; there is a groundswell today purporting that greater than winning is the need to serve a higher purpose. Spending those few hours with the educators in Jim’s class each year always reminds me of the enormous responsibility they shoulder in helping prepare these young people for the rest of their lives. To be able to connect the dots between what they do every day and impact they have on these young people’s lives is their gift and their blessing! And for me, it’s one of the highlights of my year.

“To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.”

As I shared with the 300 leaders that were in attendance, I typically end any workshop or keynote that I deliver with that poem, but I wanted to start with it because I believe it spoke to them about who they are and what they do. And while I have presented to well over 250 organizations since I retired 13 years ago, there are so few people who have the opportunity in their professional lives to connect the dots between what they do every day and the impact it has on people’s lives.  And as I said to those 300 leaders who were in attendance, that is their gift and that is their blessing!

I was convinced at The Berry Company that we did not sell advertisers bigger ads or expanded yellow page advertising programs; we sold them dreams. When their advertising was most effective, it generated increased inquires leading to increased sales and greater financial rewards. This could be, and was, life changing! When we strayed from that philosophy, we were simply just selling ads.

As the Christmas season is upon us, it is a wonderful time to reflect on our blessings. It is also the time of year to be reminded of those who are less fortunate. When I chaired the United Way campaign in 2003, it truly was for me a life changing experience – an epiphany! Being a sales guy, it was very important for me to understand the product we were selling. In other words, why would or should people choose to support United Way? To that end, I visited all 65 agencies that we were supporting and for the first time in my life I truly witnessed hopelessness. Whether it was Daybreak, Artemis, Mercy Manor or the other 63 agencies I met and heard stories of, there were people who were either born into a circumstance or got into a situation and could not get out without a helping hand. Every United Way speech or appeal that I delivered would always end with the same message, “To the whole world you may be one person but to one person you may be the whole world.”

To quote Edward Evert Hale, “I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything but I can do something. I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do.”

Our greatest gift is the power to choose. Whether it a smile, a friendly word, a sympathetic ear, or a helping hand during this holiday season, let us all be reminded that the most important thing in the world is to be important to someone.

Pete Luongo is retired president and CEO of The Berry Co., Leader, Lecturer, Public Speaker and Author of “10 Truths About Leadership … It’s Not Just About Winning”. Reach him at pete@petespeaks.com.

Everyone has a favorite Arnold Palmer story. Mine took place at the Senior PGA event played at NCR Country Club several years ago. My friend Gene Hallman from Birmingham, Alabama reached out to me before the tournament, and he enlisted me to both introduce Arnold Palmer to the community as well as assist him during the event. He had asked me to help with player relations since I knew a number of the senior players from both the Bruno’s event in Birmingham, which the Berry Company and BellSouth were cosponsors, and the Bell South Senior event in Nashville.

I was assigned to help the players with registration and get them to the locker room upon their arrival. While many of the professionals were not easily recognizable, there was great anticipation for the arrival of both Jack Nicklaus and Arnold Palmer. When Jack arrived along with his wife Barbara they were very pleasant (at least Barbara) and congenial to volunteers in the room. Once they signed in I escorted Jack to the locker room. He acknowledged a few of the PGA professionals when we arrived at the locker room and I returned to registration. About an hour later, Arnold arrived and I can best describe it as “he lit the room up.” He took the time to introduce himself to every volunteer in the room (20 or so) and thanked them for volunteering to make the tournament a positive experience for both he and his fellow PGA professionals (there is no doubt that if we had had selfies back then Arnold would have been there another 20 minutes taking pictures)! When he finished registering, I escorted him to the locker room. When we entered, where a number of professionals were having lunch, every one stood up and introduced themselves to Arnold. When we turned the corner to enter the locker room, a receiving line had formed of not only other PGA golfers but agents, tour officials and everyone present. I stood and watched as he shook hands and took time with every person, some he knew and others he did not!

The morale of the story is that while Nicklaus and Palmer will always be spoken in the same breath as two of golf’s greatest, that experience reminded me that while Nicklaus will be remembered for his history of accomplishments, Palmer will be for the impact he made in people’s lives. Webster’s definition of legacy, “as a lasting contribution from a person, conceived as a testament to their honor”, was best described by his close friend Nicklaus when he said, “Arnold’s legacy is that people followed him, people adored him. He was the most popular person to ever play the game.”

As I have written so often in the past, there are leaders that lead because that is what they do and there are leaders that lead because that is who they are. There are three distinctions that separate the two. First, they possess the courage and character to lead others because its core to their existence. Secondly, leadership is not just something they do from eight to five, and it is not a title or a designation. It permeates every aspect of their lives; as parents, teachers, coaches, volunteers, friend, siblings, spouses, and friends. Finally, and most importantly, they value their lives as leaders by making a difference in other people’s lives!

How will you be remembered? For your history of accomplishments or your legacy of making a difference in other people’s lives?

During the past 11 months, we have discussed each discipline of The Leadership Pledge and the 10 Truths associated with them. The truths not only serve as the underpinnings of the pledge, but also serve an important role as life’s lessons. Is the journey complete with The Leadership Pledge directing us to hire people who have a high probability of being successful, provide them the tools to do their job, tell them what we expect, share honest feedback and hold them accountable for their performance by asking for their trust, commitment, and loyalty? Not quite.

Organizations that experience long term sustainable success understand the balance between winning and creating an environment where their employees feel valued, respected and part of something special. There has been a constant in the number of those “special” organizations. Their leaders have mastered Truth No. 10, “Accept yourself as you exist, accept others as they exist, and in the context of differences and similarities, finding better ways of coping effectively as a behavior driven organization.”

Until we have mastered truth No. 10, it’s unlikely we can answer the question: How do we value our lives as leaders? We must find the courage and clarity to lead others in all aspects of our lives because the answer to the question as to how we value our lives as leaders is by making a difference in other people’s lives.

I want to tell you about four very special people that I have had the privilege of working with since retirement. I have come to admire them not only as successful leaders in their chosen professions, but as leaders who give back because they understand that is how their lives will ultimately be valued.

David Ganzarto, CEO of Alternate Solutions Home Care, Jeff Hoagland, CEO of The Dayton Development Coalition, Marty Grunder, President and Owner of Grunder Landscaping, and Jim Place, head football coach at Ponitz High School and a leader in character education. They all come from diverse backgrounds and lead very different organizations. So what do they have in common?

First, they all learned to accept themselves for who they are. Their competitiveness and intensity manifests into a passion that ultimately defines their uniqueness. We can associate this quality best with servant leadership.

Robert Greenleaf, the father of servant leadership, draws a wonderful distinction between natural leaders and natural servants. Natural leaders are decisive and need to be in charge. Natural servants will assume leadership only if they define it as a way to serve.

Greenleaf explains that while most people believe natural leaders use a more directive style and natural servants use a more participative style, this is not the case. He says this confuses style with character. Natural servants use whatever leadership style is necessary to best serve the needs of those they lead. David, Jeff, Marty and Jim all share that unique quality called character.

Once we’ve learned to accept ourselves, we are void of self doubt. It’s with that peace of mind we are able to extend our energy outward to others.

Accepting others as they exist is where the magic begins. When we deepen our level of understanding of others we no longer fear the differences, but learn to honor them. Only when we’ve learned to accept ourselves can we accept others as they exist. It’s the magic of all relationships. It’s called the power of two.

David, Jeff, Marty, and Jim have developed a keen understanding that their success as leaders is based almost entirely  on their ability to attract talented performers who bring both passion and potential. It’s that simple recognition that tells us those people who have been the greatest inspiration to us, are those who convinced us we could be more than we thought we could be. In each case these four great leaders know that they can help their employees/student athletes be more than they are,  but not something they’re not!

And finally, it’s about finding better ways of coping effectively as a behavior-driven organization. It’s about believing that if we do things right we will achieve long-term sustainable results. It’s about The Leadership Pledge.

When organizations focus the behavior that drives results and possess a collective resolve built on self-acceptance and acceptance of others, results will follow. I guarantee it. It’s not easy, but it’s simple.

Pete Luongo is retired president and CEO of The Berry Co., Leader, Lecturer, Public Speaker and Author of “10 Truths About Leadership … It’s Not Just About Winning”. Reach him at pete@petespeaks.com.

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Before I attempt to answer that, let’s revisit “The Leadership Pledge” and the five disciplines that define the behavior-driven model in my book. The code of conduct starts with recruiting and hiring people who possess both character and talent and have a high probability of being successful. Then, provide them with the tools to do their job, tell them what we expect, share honest feedback and hold them accountable and responsible for their individual performance.

In past columns we discussed the fifth discipline and the difficulty in measuring personal accountability. In determining trust and commitment as the first two legs of the stool, it was obvious to me that the third one had to focus on our corporate culture. Caring about our employees began with our founder L.M. Berry, and was handed down to each successive generation of leaders. I knew if we were going to preserve this special culture, loyalty had to have its place.

But would it qualify today, when society is losing the sense of loyalty as one of the most important principles in our lives, because we simply have stopped practicing it?

Loyalty is defined much differently today than it was when the journey began, and certainly throughout the 90’s when we introduced The Leadership Pledge within The Berry Co. as our operating philosophy.

Is it the same loyalty that guaranteed lifetime employment that our grandparents and parents believed was their inalienable right? No, it’s different but it’s also the same.

There is strong evidence that mutual disloyalty is not exclusive to employees at work. The lack of loyalty has extended far beyond business impacting family, church, school, community and every aspect of our society.

Timothy Keiningham and Lerzan Aksoy are professional associates of mine doing research for our next book. In their own soon-to-be-published book, “Why Loyalty Matters”, they suggest, without us noticing it, the world has shifted from a society of many long-term relationships to a society of transactional relationships and ephemeral contacts. This is a natural byproduct of the increasing dynamic economic environment in which we live. We have become more flexible and more mobile workers, which has made businesses more efficient. While this made us wealthier, it also made us less loyal.

Kouzes and Posner define this difference in their book, “The Leadership Challenge,” where they state, “In the end, durable relationships are more likely to produce collaboration than short-term ones.” But, there is an important amendment to this. The reality is that people don’t stay in one job, nor should they. Marriages do fail, and abusive ones should end. Companies do fail, sometimes because of bad management and in others the marketplace isn’t buying what they are selling. The point is, every significant relationship should be treated as if it will last a lifetime, and be important to future mutual success.

I can quote from countless books, periodicals and case studies, but in the end, I believe most of us are loyal to something other than ourselves. But to unlock the power of loyalty we need clarity regarding how “loyal” we really are, and to what we are especially loyal.

As leaders, we must realize loyalty does not emerge from blind obedience. You can’t ask for what you are not willing to give. We’ve got to give employees a sense of purpose, a set of principles, vision and an environment where they can get what they want.

Loyalty doesn’t just happen. Being loyal is a deliberate act. Making loyalty a driving force in your organization and in your life is never easy. We talk intentionally at The University of Dayton about a learning and living community. It only happens when we amplify the quality of our lives through the joy that can only come from having friends, family, co-workers and others who are willing to bond with us. It is the collection of those positive loyal connections that make strong organizations and strong communities.

So yes, as Truth No. 9 says, “It’s OK to be loyal to your customer, your company and your fellow employee.”

Pete Luongo is retired president and CEO of The Berry Co., Leader, Lecturer, Public Speaker and Author of “10 Truths About Leadership … It’s Not Just About Winning”. Reach him at pete@petespeaks.com.

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As a reminder, it starts with recruiting talented performers who have a high probability of being successful, providing them with the tools to do their job, telling them what we expect, and sharing honest and meaningful feedback.

Last month we discussed personal accountability and responsibility as the fifth discipline of The Leadership Pledge and the difficulty of measuring success in this area. I shared with you the three-legged stool that defines those criteria as trust, commitment and loyalty.

It bears repeating that whether the other person in a relationship is an employee, a customer, a peer, a supplier, a life partner or your teenage child, you cannot ask for trust if you are not willing to give it. Remember, trust only happens when we are transparent, candid and keep our word. And, by the way, when we display that type of honesty in a relationship, we have the right to expect it in return.

Personal accountability is a subject that has been written about and debated since Adam and Eve. Some would argue, and with good reason, that it is at the heart of the economic nightmare we face as a nation and the world. Like most issues we confront, not only in the workplace but in all aspects of our society, there is always a very simple answer to issues that most people want to complicate. When do we know personal accountability is alive and well in an organization? And how do we measure it?

As I share in my book, “10 Truths About Leadership … It’s Not Just About Winning,” we had developed our five disciplines of The Leadership Pledge, including finding people who possessed both character and talent and who had a high probability of being successful, providing them with the tools to do their job, telling them what we expect, and sharing honest feedback.

But I struggled with how to help our people know what it looked like and felt like when they truly accepted accountability and responsibility for their own performance as the fifth and final step.

It wasn’t clear to me as how to measure success or failure in this area until I heard Coach Lou Holtz, the retired Notre Dame football coach and one of my favorite people, share his thoughts on this subject from his book, “Winning Ways.” I knew instantaneously that his three questions: “Can I trust you?”, “Are you committed to excellence?”, and “Do you care about me?”, were getting me closer to the answer.

Trust and commitment were a natural fit, but we had made the third issue of caring about “me” (love), a prerequisite in our journey long before we became concerned about measuring accountability. I knew the third one had to focus on corporate culture, an important part of what made The Berry Co. special — employees feeling valued, respected, and part of something special. If we were going to preserve that special culture then loyalty — which I’ll cover in a later column — had to be the third leg of the stool that would define accountability.

So let’s start with trust. The first thing we must ask ourselves if we want to know if someone is truly accountable starts with asking the question, “Can I trust you?” Is there anything more important in any relationship personal or professional? The answer is an unequivocal no!

I want to revisit a comment that I shared with you in last month’s article because it is tantamount to the trust issue. Regardless of whether the other person in a relationship is an employee, a customer, a peer, a supplier, a life partner or your teenage child, you cannot ask for something you are not willing to give.

Trust only happens in a relationship when we effectively manage our half of a relationship exhibiting trust in all aspects.

In a world where greed, instant gratification, self-indulgence and winning at all cost have become prevalent, trusting relationships have dwindled. It’s only when we earn trust from our employees, spouses, our children, our partners, our athletes, our students, our peers, our patients and our friends can we expect it in return.

Truth #7 tells us, “That if we have no trust, we have not relationship.” I can assure that no relationship, either professional or personal, can survive without it. There can be nothing more critical to successful relationships than our willingness to trust one another. Trust only happens when leaders are transparent, candid and keep their word. Candidness is only an asset when it is delivered in a thoughtful and caring manner. Caring simply means that you are personally invested to a point that you’ll make the difficult decision to preserve people’s integrity and the principles of the organization.

Being accountable for outcomes must start and end with trust. The survival rate without it is zero.

Pete Luongo is retired president and CEO of The Berry Co., Leader, Lecturer, Public Speaker and Author of “10 Truths About Leadership … It’s Not Just About Winning”. Reach him at pete@petespeaks.com.

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During the past seven months, in the context of this monthly column, I’ve introduced The Leadership Pledge. This model applies to virtually every aspect of life, from business to home, from community to playing field, from church to volunteer associations. In short, the pledge declares that “in all things, behavior drives results.” As described in my book, the lessons learned and the truths associated with The Leadership Pledge are simple to understand, yet profound in terms of potential results.

A quick review of the model tells us that we first must recruit employees who have a high probability of success. Then we must provide them with the tools to do their job and tell them what we expect. Finally, we have to share honest feedback with them. You can see how these steps are universal for every leadership position, be it a boss, teacher, coach or parent.

So what’s left? We asked ourselves that same question as our company continued its journey to find a better way to do business. Amazingly, the conclusion was simple and straightforward — we had run out of things to do. Or more specifically, that was the extent of the preparation: find good people, equip them, define the goals and regularly meet with them to discuss their progress. The final step: People must accept accountability for their performance. It was a defining moment in the process.

While many of the examples that I use come from the business world, the tenets, obstacles, and truths that I have detailed in the columns and in the book, “10 Truths About Leadership … It’s Not Just About Winning,” apply to every facet of life. These principles carry value, from being a boss, to being a coach, to being a parent, to being a friend.

It’s that value that brings us to our next step: “Sharing Honest Feedback.” If you’ve become effective at recruiting talented performers, providing them the tools to do their job and defining expectations, what’s next is sharing with them honest feedback.

Feedback from a traditional point of view allows us to work diligently at getting better every day. It cannot be done alone. It requires constant feedback.

As I mentioned in a previous column, being in the right circumstance is a requisite for growth. We must all seek out honest and meaningful feedback in order to grow personally and professionally. And, by the way, establishing a conduit is not someone else’s responsibility. Make it your priority. Remember, when we stop getting better, we stop being good.
But beyond traditional feedback, what were those habits that were ingrained in our top performers? What qualities did all of these top performers have in common? Was it attitude, concentration, desire, integrity, motivation, persistence, responsibility, vision, wisdom, passion? The answer was always yes. But, I knew it had to be more.
And then one day I read this line from William Ian Graves: “Winners do things that they don’t like to do, and average people only follow their natural likes and preferences.” And I said, “wow, I just got it.”
Think about it, have you ever accomplished anything of significance in your life with out being out of your comfort zone? The answer is absolutely not. Most people fall into the “average” category because they only do what they like to do. Said another way, top performers have established the habit of doing things they don’t necessarily like to do because they recognize that it’s an absolute requirement to accomplish their goals.
All of us have learned from past experiences that here’s a very real difference between great and insignificant. We all have been there when our overwhelming desire for success took us over the top, and likewise, when we perhaps backed down from that last step needed to achieve something special and felt the sting of falling short when we know success was within our reach.
I’m convinced the reason “doing things we don’t like to do,” doesn’t become ingrained in us is because it’s not part of our everyday lives. Until we have established the habit of discipline, we will continue to suffer the fate of wanting but not having.

Truth No. 6 says, “Greatness is achieved by those who have established the habits of discipline and risk taking.”
The other half of what I believe defines greatness is establishing the habit of risk taking and not being afraid to fail. I’m convinced the greatest tragedy in someone’s life is the last five words out of their mouth, “I wish I would have.” I empathize with people who feel trapped in this malaise. It almost became my undoing. My obsession with winning almost destroyed me. As I’ve reflected on those trying times over the years, I wondered if the problem was my obsession with winning or was I afraid to fail?
What I learned from the experience is that whatever good or bad fortune may come out of a circumstance, we can always give it meaning and purpose. There is a big difference between what’s lost by not trying and what’s lost by not succeeding. I’ve witnessed that truth many times in my life. I’ve seen it as a coach, an official, a sales manager, a CEO, a friend, a teacher, a board chair, and on and on.
We must recognize that failure is a natural consequence of trying. Great leaders, great salespeople and great athletes all have an incredibly high tolerance for failure because they recognize it provides them with their greatest feedback loop. To gain a positive lesson from failure, you must own the loss. You’ve got to fail in a learning posture. It only becomes valuable when it’s treated as a measure of strength. Failure is our teacher, regret is our enemy.
So what are the qualities that separate the best from the rest? In the end, I believe it is about discipline and risk-taking. We must seek feedback as we incorporate these lessons into new and improved behaviors. Remember, there can be no failure to a man or woman who has not lost his or her courage, character, self-respect, or self-confidence.

Pete Luongo is retired president and CEO of The Berry Co., Leader, Lecturer, Public Speaker and Author of “10 Truths About Leadership … It’s Not Just About Winning”. Reach him at pete@petespeaks.com.

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