I was in the UD Emerging Leadership Program in in 2007-2008. I had the pleasure of hearing you speak and participating as you guided us through your book.

Imagine my surprise when I went to my Amazon basket this morning and discovered your book, “The Ten Truths About Leadership, It’s Not Just About Winning.” I knew I hadn’t put it there and I recalled my 18 year old son telling my daughter about a guest speaker he heard in class at UD last night.

So I texted him about the book and he replied that he had met you last night in his athletics class and said “he gave us the best speech I ever heard!”

I was taken aback. So I wanted to express my thanks to you, and awe, that you were able to touch my freshmen football player in the same way you touched my  40-something self 11 years ago. You have an amazing gift and you’ve given us a new topic to connect on.

Sincerely,

Kathleen Sargent

The back story is that I’ve had the privilege for the last twelve years serving as a guest lecturer for a Life Skills course for freshmen athletes at the University of Dayton. Utilizing my book as one of their required readings, each of the students is charged with writing a reflection paper on the takeaways from the book. I continue to be impressed each semester with their collective impressions as to how both the book and the lectures provide purpose meaning and perspective as they begin to navigate their way through a college education as a student athlete.

Since retirement 16 years ago, I have been blessed to be able to speak to countless organizations and groups ranging from 2000 IBM sales reps in Las Vegas to a leadership class at Fairmont High School in Kettering, Ohio. It is always my hope that in some small way I will have made an impact in their lives. Recognizing that our lives are ultimately defined by making a difference in other people’s lives we can never discount the impact we can have ­­­when we deepen our level or understanding of others and no longer fear the differences but learn to honor them. I believe that more than winning is the need to serve a higher purpose. The ultimate challenge for all of us as individuals, parents, bosses, employees, coaches, teachers, volunteers, students, siblings and parents is never commit the sins of selfishness, ingratitude, or ungratefulness, as we pursue our dream. We all have within us the need to to be loved and respected and we only become more human as leaders when we learn to love and serve others. Hopefully the letter from Kathleen will serve as a reminder that, “The only time we realize our dreams is when we help other people realize theirs.”

There’s an often quoted metaphor, “Your people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care,” which will never wear out its welcome. In the month of December I saw it in real time during two different opportunities I had to share The Leadership Pledge as a consultant and Keynote Speaker.  Main Line Supply and Montgomery County IT group;  two vastly different organizations in size, purpose, and circumstance; one experiencing a long sustainable history and the other searching for a better understanding of success.  What they do have in common is two leaders who understand the balance between winning and creating an environment where their employees feel valued, respected, and part of something special.

What I find intriguing about both Mike O’Brien, original partner in Main Line and John Rike, director of the IT group is how their competitiveness and intensity manifests into a passion that defines their uniqueness as thoughtful and caring leaders.

I had the privilege of delivering the keynote to Main Line Supply during a beautiful Christmas evening dinner meeting. It is an annual event that is focused on recognizing employees for a successful financial year while acknowledging both individual and team contributions. Whether warehouse or sales, new or tenured, Mike O’Brien expressed a deep sense of appreciation and LOVE for every person in that room. He wasn’t speaking to his audience as a group but he was speaking to each one of them individually. Every person in that room, like all of us, have deep within us the need to be loved and respected and Mike proved once again to me that we only become more human as leaders when we learn to love and serve others. Inspiration is the responsibility of all leaders and it’s the magic of all relationships.

The Montgomery County IT group is charged with supporting all business units for the County and is in the process of redefining its mission, implementing new strategic imperatives, realigning roles and responsibilities, all under the direction of Jon Rike, the new IT director. The departmental meeting to announce these organizational changes was the culmination of several months of review and analysis with input from his management team. Jon had engaged me to work with his leadership team in understanding their role in these new imperatives. He recognized as a prerequisite for this journey caring and LOVE had to be his primary message.  He was steadfast in his belief that his leadership team must develop meaningful relationships based on love and respect. As Jon navigates his organization through this transition I’m confident that he will be successful because at his core he believes his responsibility is the need to serve a higher purpose.

Jon’s kickoff meeting was for the lack of a better description his, “state of the union address”. And while it included remarks from the County Executive and a deep dive into the data and statistics which represented the past and the future, the central theme of his message was his commitment to his employees that all of the organizational changes shared were grounded in the human side of the enterprise. He encouraged each of them by giving them a sense of purpose and implored them to embrace a leadership role and the opportunity to shape the organization. Like Mike O’Brien, in a totally different set of circumstances, Jon Rike exemplified the belief that we become more human as leaders when we learn to love and serve others.

Beyond that, I was shocked at the 100+ requests on Facebook and LinkedIn which I received within the first hour of the keynote. My first takeaway was the notion that we really do live in a world of instant communication, and in this case, instant gratification. But as I read through the comments associated with the requests, I was struck with the number of comments about references I made to the word “love” and my belief that no professional relationship will ever reach its maximum potential without love as its foundation.  A couple of examples:

“I attended the IBM Sales Academy and heard you speak in Vegas and wanted to send you a thank note. You really touched me and while I know your talk was rushed in only one hour I loved every minute of it. In my years as a sales leader you are the first person to bring up the word “love” anywhere in a conversation about leadership.”

Another comment:

“I have always prided myself in loving my employees but have never openly spoken about it as it quite frankly has been taboo or viewed as strange in a business environment. Your talk was incredibly inspirational and has freed me up to lead from the heart going forward.”

When I ask audiences in my workshops who has been the greatest inspiration in their lives, the answers are always parents, spouses, coaches, clergy, friends, etc. When I ask them what was the one thing they all had in common, they eventually get the answer: they loved me!  So why the reluctance, why the reticence to let people see the loving side of us in the workplace? Maybe Bob Sutton from the University of Michigan, one of our thought leaders at the Center for Leadership at UD, had it right when he said, “transformative leaders are enormously demanding but also enormously caring.” I am convinced that as leaders we are all at the top of the scale on the demand side of the model (and pretty good at it as parents) but far too often fail miserably in letting people see our caring side for fear that it will expose our vulnerability. Quite the contrary; I believe it exposes our uniqueness as a human being.

While this can be a slippery slope, I drew three distinctions to get the audience comfortable with the word “love” in our business vocabulary. The first distinction is about sharing what love looks like in a professional relationship. Love for ourselves in a professional relationship is simply about faith in who we are and confidence as we approach our lives each and every day. Love for each other is about trust and mutual respect for one another, and love for what we do every day is about our passion! That is the first distinction.

The second distinction, as I shared with the IBM audience, “is the one I want you to get your arms around. It is one of the most important discoveries I will share with you today.” It’s not a love without responsibility, it is love with consequences attached. There were times at The Berry Company that I had to tell people “I love you”, but you just do not get to work here anymore. It was never about me. It was being fair to them. Is it uncomfortable? Of course it is! And why it’s so challenging is because it’s a paradox. Unconditional love is the bond between parent and child. It is at the core of marriage vow. However, it’s that same tacit agreement that gets in the way of sharing honest caring feedback. Without it I can assure you there will always be serious limitations on our ability as leaders, parents, coaches, friends, spouses, and siblings to provide honest feedback and allow people to experience their God given potential.

The last distinction is that blending strength of character and love for your fellow man does not diminish one’s womanhood or manhood. Remember, people can handle the truth if they know you care!

Being successful as a leader, a parent, a teacher, a coach, a spouse, a sibling, a friend can only happen when we amplify the quality of our lives through the joy that comes when we commit our love, our passion, and ourselves to making a difference in people’s lives.

I have a poster in my exercise room that I read every morning. Steve Prefontaine, the great long distance runner who died tragically at the peak of his career, said it best, “To not give the best of ourselves every day is to sacrifice the gift.”

Everything you do every day means something to someone. Make them all count!

During the past 11 months, we have discussed each discipline of The Leadership Pledge and the 10 Truths associated with them. The truths not only serve as the underpinnings of the pledge, but also serve an important role as life’s lessons. Is the journey complete with The Leadership Pledge directing us to hire people who have a high probability of being successful, provide them the tools to do their job, tell them what we expect, share honest feedback and hold them accountable for their performance by asking for their trust, commitment, and loyalty? Not quite.

Organizations that experience long term sustainable success understand the balance between winning and creating an environment where their employees feel valued, respected and part of something special. There has been a constant in the number of those “special” organizations. Their leaders have mastered Truth No. 10, “Accept yourself as you exist, accept others as they exist, and in the context of differences and similarities, finding better ways of coping effectively as a behavior driven organization.”

Until we have mastered truth No. 10, it’s unlikely we can answer the question: How do we value our lives as leaders? We must find the courage and clarity to lead others in all aspects of our lives because the answer to the question as to how we value our lives as leaders is by making a difference in other people’s lives.

I want to tell you about four very special people that I have had the privilege of working with since retirement. I have come to admire them not only as successful leaders in their chosen professions, but as leaders who give back because they understand that is how their lives will ultimately be valued.

David Ganzarto, CEO of Alternate Solutions Home Care, Jeff Hoagland, CEO of The Dayton Development Coalition, Marty Grunder, President and Owner of Grunder Landscaping, and Jim Place, head football coach at Ponitz High School and a leader in character education. They all come from diverse backgrounds and lead very different organizations. So what do they have in common?

First, they all learned to accept themselves for who they are. Their competitiveness and intensity manifests into a passion that ultimately defines their uniqueness. We can associate this quality best with servant leadership.

Robert Greenleaf, the father of servant leadership, draws a wonderful distinction between natural leaders and natural servants. Natural leaders are decisive and need to be in charge. Natural servants will assume leadership only if they define it as a way to serve.

Greenleaf explains that while most people believe natural leaders use a more directive style and natural servants use a more participative style, this is not the case. He says this confuses style with character. Natural servants use whatever leadership style is necessary to best serve the needs of those they lead. David, Jeff, Marty and Jim all share that unique quality called character.

Once we’ve learned to accept ourselves, we are void of self doubt. It’s with that peace of mind we are able to extend our energy outward to others.

Accepting others as they exist is where the magic begins. When we deepen our level of understanding of others we no longer fear the differences, but learn to honor them. Only when we’ve learned to accept ourselves can we accept others as they exist. It’s the magic of all relationships. It’s called the power of two.

David, Jeff, Marty, and Jim have developed a keen understanding that their success as leaders is based almost entirely  on their ability to attract talented performers who bring both passion and potential. It’s that simple recognition that tells us those people who have been the greatest inspiration to us, are those who convinced us we could be more than we thought we could be. In each case these four great leaders know that they can help their employees/student athletes be more than they are,  but not something they’re not!

And finally, it’s about finding better ways of coping effectively as a behavior-driven organization. It’s about believing that if we do things right we will achieve long-term sustainable results. It’s about The Leadership Pledge.

When organizations focus the behavior that drives results and possess a collective resolve built on self-acceptance and acceptance of others, results will follow. I guarantee it. It’s not easy, but it’s simple.

Pete Luongo is retired president and CEO of The Berry Co., Leader, Lecturer, Public Speaker and Author of “10 Truths About Leadership … It’s Not Just About Winning”. Reach him at pete@petespeaks.com.

Read the original article here.

Before I attempt to answer that, let’s revisit “The Leadership Pledge” and the five disciplines that define the behavior-driven model in my book. The code of conduct starts with recruiting and hiring people who possess both character and talent and have a high probability of being successful. Then, provide them with the tools to do their job, tell them what we expect, share honest feedback and hold them accountable and responsible for their individual performance.

In past columns we discussed the fifth discipline and the difficulty in measuring personal accountability. In determining trust and commitment as the first two legs of the stool, it was obvious to me that the third one had to focus on our corporate culture. Caring about our employees began with our founder L.M. Berry, and was handed down to each successive generation of leaders. I knew if we were going to preserve this special culture, loyalty had to have its place.

But would it qualify today, when society is losing the sense of loyalty as one of the most important principles in our lives, because we simply have stopped practicing it?

Loyalty is defined much differently today than it was when the journey began, and certainly throughout the 90’s when we introduced The Leadership Pledge within The Berry Co. as our operating philosophy.

Is it the same loyalty that guaranteed lifetime employment that our grandparents and parents believed was their inalienable right? No, it’s different but it’s also the same.

There is strong evidence that mutual disloyalty is not exclusive to employees at work. The lack of loyalty has extended far beyond business impacting family, church, school, community and every aspect of our society.

Timothy Keiningham and Lerzan Aksoy are professional associates of mine doing research for our next book. In their own soon-to-be-published book, “Why Loyalty Matters”, they suggest, without us noticing it, the world has shifted from a society of many long-term relationships to a society of transactional relationships and ephemeral contacts. This is a natural byproduct of the increasing dynamic economic environment in which we live. We have become more flexible and more mobile workers, which has made businesses more efficient. While this made us wealthier, it also made us less loyal.

Kouzes and Posner define this difference in their book, “The Leadership Challenge,” where they state, “In the end, durable relationships are more likely to produce collaboration than short-term ones.” But, there is an important amendment to this. The reality is that people don’t stay in one job, nor should they. Marriages do fail, and abusive ones should end. Companies do fail, sometimes because of bad management and in others the marketplace isn’t buying what they are selling. The point is, every significant relationship should be treated as if it will last a lifetime, and be important to future mutual success.

I can quote from countless books, periodicals and case studies, but in the end, I believe most of us are loyal to something other than ourselves. But to unlock the power of loyalty we need clarity regarding how “loyal” we really are, and to what we are especially loyal.

As leaders, we must realize loyalty does not emerge from blind obedience. You can’t ask for what you are not willing to give. We’ve got to give employees a sense of purpose, a set of principles, vision and an environment where they can get what they want.

Loyalty doesn’t just happen. Being loyal is a deliberate act. Making loyalty a driving force in your organization and in your life is never easy. We talk intentionally at The University of Dayton about a learning and living community. It only happens when we amplify the quality of our lives through the joy that can only come from having friends, family, co-workers and others who are willing to bond with us. It is the collection of those positive loyal connections that make strong organizations and strong communities.

So yes, as Truth No. 9 says, “It’s OK to be loyal to your customer, your company and your fellow employee.”

Pete Luongo is retired president and CEO of The Berry Co., Leader, Lecturer, Public Speaker and Author of “10 Truths About Leadership … It’s Not Just About Winning”. Reach him at pete@petespeaks.com.

Read the original article here.

As a reminder, it starts with recruiting talented performers who have a high probability of being successful, providing them with the tools to do their job, telling them what we expect, and sharing honest and meaningful feedback.

Last month we discussed personal accountability and responsibility as the fifth discipline of The Leadership Pledge and the difficulty of measuring success in this area. I shared with you the three-legged stool that defines those criteria as trust, commitment and loyalty.

It bears repeating that whether the other person in a relationship is an employee, a customer, a peer, a supplier, a life partner or your teenage child, you cannot ask for trust if you are not willing to give it. Remember, trust only happens when we are transparent, candid and keep our word. And, by the way, when we display that type of honesty in a relationship, we have the right to expect it in return.

Personal accountability is a subject that has been written about and debated since Adam and Eve. Some would argue, and with good reason, that it is at the heart of the economic nightmare we face as a nation and the world. Like most issues we confront, not only in the workplace but in all aspects of our society, there is always a very simple answer to issues that most people want to complicate. When do we know personal accountability is alive and well in an organization? And how do we measure it?

As I share in my book, “10 Truths About Leadership … It’s Not Just About Winning,” we had developed our five disciplines of The Leadership Pledge, including finding people who possessed both character and talent and who had a high probability of being successful, providing them with the tools to do their job, telling them what we expect, and sharing honest feedback.

But I struggled with how to help our people know what it looked like and felt like when they truly accepted accountability and responsibility for their own performance as the fifth and final step.

It wasn’t clear to me as how to measure success or failure in this area until I heard Coach Lou Holtz, the retired Notre Dame football coach and one of my favorite people, share his thoughts on this subject from his book, “Winning Ways.” I knew instantaneously that his three questions: “Can I trust you?”, “Are you committed to excellence?”, and “Do you care about me?”, were getting me closer to the answer.

Trust and commitment were a natural fit, but we had made the third issue of caring about “me” (love), a prerequisite in our journey long before we became concerned about measuring accountability. I knew the third one had to focus on corporate culture, an important part of what made The Berry Co. special — employees feeling valued, respected, and part of something special. If we were going to preserve that special culture then loyalty — which I’ll cover in a later column — had to be the third leg of the stool that would define accountability.

So let’s start with trust. The first thing we must ask ourselves if we want to know if someone is truly accountable starts with asking the question, “Can I trust you?” Is there anything more important in any relationship personal or professional? The answer is an unequivocal no!

I want to revisit a comment that I shared with you in last month’s article because it is tantamount to the trust issue. Regardless of whether the other person in a relationship is an employee, a customer, a peer, a supplier, a life partner or your teenage child, you cannot ask for something you are not willing to give.

Trust only happens in a relationship when we effectively manage our half of a relationship exhibiting trust in all aspects.

In a world where greed, instant gratification, self-indulgence and winning at all cost have become prevalent, trusting relationships have dwindled. It’s only when we earn trust from our employees, spouses, our children, our partners, our athletes, our students, our peers, our patients and our friends can we expect it in return.

Truth #7 tells us, “That if we have no trust, we have not relationship.” I can assure that no relationship, either professional or personal, can survive without it. There can be nothing more critical to successful relationships than our willingness to trust one another. Trust only happens when leaders are transparent, candid and keep their word. Candidness is only an asset when it is delivered in a thoughtful and caring manner. Caring simply means that you are personally invested to a point that you’ll make the difficult decision to preserve people’s integrity and the principles of the organization.

Being accountable for outcomes must start and end with trust. The survival rate without it is zero.

Pete Luongo is retired president and CEO of The Berry Co., Leader, Lecturer, Public Speaker and Author of “10 Truths About Leadership … It’s Not Just About Winning”. Reach him at pete@petespeaks.com.

Read the original article here.

During the past seven months, in the context of this monthly column, I’ve introduced The Leadership Pledge. This model applies to virtually every aspect of life, from business to home, from community to playing field, from church to volunteer associations. In short, the pledge declares that “in all things, behavior drives results.” As described in my book, the lessons learned and the truths associated with The Leadership Pledge are simple to understand, yet profound in terms of potential results.

A quick review of the model tells us that we first must recruit employees who have a high probability of success. Then we must provide them with the tools to do their job and tell them what we expect. Finally, we have to share honest feedback with them. You can see how these steps are universal for every leadership position, be it a boss, teacher, coach or parent.

So what’s left? We asked ourselves that same question as our company continued its journey to find a better way to do business. Amazingly, the conclusion was simple and straightforward — we had run out of things to do. Or more specifically, that was the extent of the preparation: find good people, equip them, define the goals and regularly meet with them to discuss their progress. The final step: People must accept accountability for their performance. It was a defining moment in the process.

While many of the examples that I use come from the business world, the tenets, obstacles, and truths that I have detailed in the columns and in the book, “10 Truths About Leadership … It’s Not Just About Winning,” apply to every facet of life. These principles carry value, from being a boss, to being a coach, to being a parent, to being a friend.

It’s that value that brings us to our next step: “Sharing Honest Feedback.” If you’ve become effective at recruiting talented performers, providing them the tools to do their job and defining expectations, what’s next is sharing with them honest feedback.

Feedback from a traditional point of view allows us to work diligently at getting better every day. It cannot be done alone. It requires constant feedback.

As I mentioned in a previous column, being in the right circumstance is a requisite for growth. We must all seek out honest and meaningful feedback in order to grow personally and professionally. And, by the way, establishing a conduit is not someone else’s responsibility. Make it your priority. Remember, when we stop getting better, we stop being good.
But beyond traditional feedback, what were those habits that were ingrained in our top performers? What qualities did all of these top performers have in common? Was it attitude, concentration, desire, integrity, motivation, persistence, responsibility, vision, wisdom, passion? The answer was always yes. But, I knew it had to be more.
And then one day I read this line from William Ian Graves: “Winners do things that they don’t like to do, and average people only follow their natural likes and preferences.” And I said, “wow, I just got it.”
Think about it, have you ever accomplished anything of significance in your life with out being out of your comfort zone? The answer is absolutely not. Most people fall into the “average” category because they only do what they like to do. Said another way, top performers have established the habit of doing things they don’t necessarily like to do because they recognize that it’s an absolute requirement to accomplish their goals.
All of us have learned from past experiences that here’s a very real difference between great and insignificant. We all have been there when our overwhelming desire for success took us over the top, and likewise, when we perhaps backed down from that last step needed to achieve something special and felt the sting of falling short when we know success was within our reach.
I’m convinced the reason “doing things we don’t like to do,” doesn’t become ingrained in us is because it’s not part of our everyday lives. Until we have established the habit of discipline, we will continue to suffer the fate of wanting but not having.

Truth No. 6 says, “Greatness is achieved by those who have established the habits of discipline and risk taking.”
The other half of what I believe defines greatness is establishing the habit of risk taking and not being afraid to fail. I’m convinced the greatest tragedy in someone’s life is the last five words out of their mouth, “I wish I would have.” I empathize with people who feel trapped in this malaise. It almost became my undoing. My obsession with winning almost destroyed me. As I’ve reflected on those trying times over the years, I wondered if the problem was my obsession with winning or was I afraid to fail?
What I learned from the experience is that whatever good or bad fortune may come out of a circumstance, we can always give it meaning and purpose. There is a big difference between what’s lost by not trying and what’s lost by not succeeding. I’ve witnessed that truth many times in my life. I’ve seen it as a coach, an official, a sales manager, a CEO, a friend, a teacher, a board chair, and on and on.
We must recognize that failure is a natural consequence of trying. Great leaders, great salespeople and great athletes all have an incredibly high tolerance for failure because they recognize it provides them with their greatest feedback loop. To gain a positive lesson from failure, you must own the loss. You’ve got to fail in a learning posture. It only becomes valuable when it’s treated as a measure of strength. Failure is our teacher, regret is our enemy.
So what are the qualities that separate the best from the rest? In the end, I believe it is about discipline and risk-taking. We must seek feedback as we incorporate these lessons into new and improved behaviors. Remember, there can be no failure to a man or woman who has not lost his or her courage, character, self-respect, or self-confidence.

Pete Luongo is retired president and CEO of The Berry Co., Leader, Lecturer, Public Speaker and Author of “10 Truths About Leadership … It’s Not Just About Winning”. Reach him at pete@petespeaks.com.

Read the original article here.

The follow-up question is who is responsible for communicating these expectations and who owns them?

It’s a very challenging question and I’m convinced far too often both misunderstood and misapplied. We confronted this obstacle in our 13-year journey and labeled it “Management Driven Standards.” Until we transferred creation of the standards to those who have direct influence on the results, we continued to experience one of the many fall-outs of any top-down driven management style, the “I say, you do” approach to expectations. Whenever that flawed notion is applied, be it in a corporation, a volunteer organization or an athletic team it almost always guarantees organizational failure.

It’s further complicated by a bigger issue at the top of every organization: Greed.

The obsession with winning has permeated organizations from youth sports to Fortune top 100 companies. CEO’s and politicians are going to prison, professional athletes are more juiced than Florida and youth sports coaches and parents have twisted Vince Lombardi’s pep talks into an impossible standard for young people. This then begs the question: How do we avoid the trap of compromising our core values when pursuing “winning?” The answer resides in the behavior driven model, “The Leadership Pledge” and Truth No. 5, “Organizations will experience meaningful success when employees establish their own standards of performance.”